Monday, February 13, 2012
Do you ever have those moments that you know you just have to do something, create something, be somewhere, talk to someone, reread your favorite book, look at your most treasured photograph? It's like an ache, a craving inside you that you cant shake. I was in one of those moments and just needed to get it out of my head... I had dreamed about this picture several times and it simply wouldn't leave me alone, so I decided to paint it.
And this is what came out.
For many reasons, this picture is a glimpse deep into my heart. The purple (my favorite color!) stands for purpose, imagination, inspiration, and seeking something; green represents life, healing, learning, safety and transformation; white means purity, kindness, energy, truth, wholeness, new beginnings... Kinda interesting how that turned out huh? I didn't set out with this color choice in my head, but as I looked at the finished painting in front of me - it came at me in a deeper way.
The girl is me, who I am isn't important - I didn't put myself in the middle of the painting for a reason.
The true face in this painting belongs the child I am holding. The eyes were the hardest part in this whole image, I just couldn't get them right. Seeing this in my head they were the thing that kept capturing me, keep tugging at my heart and asking me to come back and stay. It is said that the eyes of a person reveal their soul - and I knew that somehow these precious eyes would be revealing both her's and my own.
There is a deep longing for safety and desperation for love in them. So many questions, such reserve. Not the eyes of a child but of one that have seen too much in her young age. And each time I look at this image all I want to do is pick her up and just hold her, tell her that she is loved and that she is safe, that she is a miracle and a blessing.
Speak deep into her heart that she is a child that is wanted and adored.
There are so many children that never hear those words. That rarely experience healthy human contact. That usually don't have enough food in their bellies or know of where they will be sleeping at night. They don't hear "I love you" or "sweet dreams" before they close their eyes at night, or often hear their name being called with a loving voice. They don't have many memories that make them smile, or someone encouraging them to follow their dreams and listen to their hearts. They don't have someone to kiss the scraped knees or put band aids on them, to wipe the tears after a bad dream. They don't have someone that loses sleep when they don't come home or stays awake in the hospital room with them. They don't have someone to speak truth about who they are - loved and adored.
And I am not okay with that. And so that is why I am going. If only for one child or for many - to remind them or maybe even for the first time tell that that they have worth, that there is hope, and that they are wanted.
I don't have concrete details of what this will look like, but I know that it wont be easy or comfortable - I don't think that is the life we are meant to live any way. I do know though that it will be full of adventures with crazy wild amazing so sweet! cool stories, of digging deep into trust, of standing fast in hope, of speechless moments, deep sadness and overwhelming love. And I am willing for it all.