Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Stampeding Elephants :)

Have you ever prayed a prayer that sounded great and meaningful and then not really expected an answer to it?

There have been a few times that I have prayed an 'innocent' (insert finger quotations) prayer, not anticipating, expecting or really even looking for an answer or solution, and THAT is when the Lord pounces on my heart and throws a curve ball, reveals answers, provides wisdom or nudges someone to call me out, etc..

Each time, no joke, this has happened I am shaken, I am moved, I am uncomfortable, and I realize anew how much He delights in pulling me closer to His heart. 

I can not move closer to Jesus, I can not be redeemed and healed if I'm oblivious, if I'm comfortable and stagnant, if I'm totally confident that I got it all figured out, can I? Of course not.

So as the birthdays keep going up, I'm realizing more and more that I ache to be surprised by Jesus. I crave to be thrown a curve, to get that tingling in the stomach when I am little out of my comfort zone, and the HUGE "elephants on a stampede" feeling when I'm way WAY WAAAAYYYY past my "I got this!" zone..

Because, it's those places that I meet Jesus in ways that totally blow my mind. 

It's when I show up when it's hard and even though it hurts that I'm on my knees talking or crying with Jesus, not at Him. Its the moments that push me past all predictability, my own plans and convenience into nothing less then holy moments; into conversations that stir my heart with truth and healing; into 
opportunities that change my life and into lives that collide with mine in powerful ways that can only be from Jesus. 

I 'innocently', (again, insert finger quotations), was walking in the woods and talking to Jesus about a year ago and just asking questions, wondering what Jesus would say / how He would answer if He was walking next to me and just asked for Him to "show me what breaks Your heart, that is where I want to be...". Yup, even as I read this, I'm like "What the HECK was I thinking with THAT one!"...  

Looking back to that moment I can see the Lord with a gentle smile and tears in His eyes as He says "Just wait my darling, come and see what I have in mind for you... Look and dream, cry and laugh, be patient and move forward as I align things to answer this in incredible ways; as I give, provide, and stretch in ways more than you can ever dream and imagine on your own!"... 

It shakes my soul when I get glimpses of how completely He knows my heart, my dreams, my personality (quirks, included!), what makes my heart hurt and where I get frustrated. And in all of this, He knows where I fit in this grand dream of redemption and family He has... Boy, does He have big dreams!

My soul stutters at how He has begun to show me how He is answering that prayer from a year ago... And I can see little flashes of conversations, books, holy moments, classes, verses and people from that past that He put in place years before I even thought to pray those words as signs along the way, as directions in the journey, as motivators and inspiration to start ideas and dreams growing and flowing in my head and heart.

So here's to me aligning my heart to His, to a "stampeding elephants in my stomach" future and a journey that is bigger, fuller, deeper than I could dream or imagine... :)

I figure I can't out-dream God, so I'm gonna go WAY BIG - gotta keep Him on His toes, you know ;)

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