Transformation..

When Moses was walking down the path, he saw a burning bush and he had the option to turn and watch God work and see His glory - however it would be revealed – or he could continue on his way because of any number of reasons - fear, anxiety, maybe the hustle of life that blocked his view of the bush, and so many other reasons. He chose to turn aside and look at the bush, to ask questions and see what God was doing. But then it came down to the point that God was asking something of him – telling him to go and see the Pharaoh. Moses questioned Gods timing – His relevance to where Moses was in his life, emotionally and physically. Moses didn’t think that he was the right person for the job, he thought that God was mistaken when He selected him – how often do I feel this way… In Ortberg’s words, God’s response was this reaction to Moses - “I know all about [those fears, etc.]. [They don’t] really matter much. For I will be with you. Your guilt and your inadequacies are no longer the ultimate truth about you. You are who you are – but that’s not all that you are. You are what you are but you are not yet what you will be. I am with you.”

My gosh, how freeing is it to hear those words! To know that all my many inadequacies aren’t stopping me and cant prevent Jesus from working in me, that even though Satan tries his hardest to use them against me – nothing can separate me from the love of Christ. The only ultimate truth of me is that I am in love with and loved by Jesus – that nothing needs to come in between us, though sometimes in my moments of fear I chose to allow there to be… To know that no matter what I might choose to put in the space between us for the moment, I can never run far enough or fast enough to escape – that I am captured and found completely in Him. There are no words to describe the feeling of utter joy and peace that those words speak to my heart. “You were created to be the masterpiece of God” (Ortberg). God planned and anticipated and dreamed and thought of and desired us from the beginning of eternity – how then could we not be a masterpiece, a treasured being from the very beginning on into His eternity?

What is transformation? Its sounds painful – I keep imagining the X-men movies. For most of them it is extremely painful – both emotionally and physically. It changes their lives unbelievably and they aren’t ‘normal’ – they are required to conceal their true selves because otherwise their lives would be in danger. I don’t know about you but that does not sound fun or like what I want my life to look like – even though it sells in the movies… So with that image in my mind – how do I figure out what the truth is regarding us and transformation and then how does Christ fit into the true reality? “We are called by God to live as our uniquely created selves – our temperament, our gene pool, our history. But growing spiritually means to live increasingly as Jesus would in our unique place – to perceive what Jesus would perceive if he looked through our eyes, to think what He would think, to feel what He would feel, and therefore to do what He would do” (Ortberg). It brings to mind the verse of dying to yourself – I am going to chose to let some other being live in me and in essence, get so powerful and evident in me that I am completely wrapped up and entangled with Him. This sounds beautiful, a little scary, supper exciting and absolutely incredible! We are created who we are for a reason and we have purpose – God doesn’t make mistakes and since He created us we aren’t mistakes. Again, nothing that we are is a mistake – God’s timing of placing us into this world wasn’t and will never be a mistake. What would happen if we as a generation, as a nation, as a world genuinely and authentically believed this was true…?

“The possibility of transformation is the essence of hope” (Ortberg). My heart aches to be transformed – I have grown so tired and frustrated with myself that I crave all that Jesus wants to do in me. Does it mean that I don’t still have to deal with my junk every moment – of course NOT, though how I wish that was so! And I don’t think me feeling this way is going against the knowledge that I am created perfectly by Him – it’s just the next step in the relationship. I think in every relationship there comes the time to commit and be in the relationship – it means dealing with your issues, it means confronting your past, only listening to truth, loving with 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love, being honest and genuinely seeking the other persons’ heart. From these desires come the knowledge that you aren’t perfect and that there is junk and crap and yuckiness in all relationships. When I sit and think about all my mess, it blows my mind that Jesus not only desires but craves to be in the mess with me – to hold my hand on the days that I can’t understand what is going on or the whys of it all, to love me even when I am intensely impatient with myself or with others, to stand by me when I am completely alone and when I feel like He is so far away, to walk after me and pull me back when I try to walk away…

“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations – these are mortal, and their live is to ours as that life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit – immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.” Hmm… we are immortal? Doesn’t that sound almost like a secret to keep? Wait, we have something so special and so alive in us that we are more then we ever thought? More then the world gives us credit for? How would we act and treat each other if we realized and believe wholeheartedly that we are all immortal – that we are precious and loved and adored enough to be raised above any other creature in creation?
We are a complex being – we have emotions and a soul and desires and dreams and quirks and things about ourselves that frustrate us – and this is life. A very wise man told me that “Life is lived in the transitions”. For a bit I sat there and wondered if that was true and then he gave and example of everyday life that exemplified this – rushing somewhere and losing patience with someone we love. We are so focused on reaching a destination or accomplishing the goal that we lose the opportunity to be Jesus during the transition… When I look back and see and feel again all that has happened this year – I see how true the statement is… I get so focused on the end or reaching the point to then reach the next that I miss what Jesus is doing in me, I miss the chance to be Jesus to someone when He has opened the door if I’m not living in the transitions…

This summer I get the opportunity to be in a place of imaginable joy and also incredible pain – its in this middle ground of letting go of the past, all the junk and mess in the lives of thousands of kids and watching them begin moving towards Jesus and the healing that He so abundantly gives —- this is where Jesus has placed me. I get to be in a place where God moves hugely and transforms lives and live alongside people in a transition… Gosh, how huge! I am discovering that maybe this summer wasn’t just about what I am good at – but growing in areas that I needed to be challenged in… The hard part is then choosing to daily be open to being transformed… This is where Jesus has to shine…

It continues to blow my mind that I put such restrictions on what I expect Him to do in my life, on the ways I look (or don’t look) for Him to be working in me and how I continue to underestimate all He is working in my life. Maybe this is God’s way of answering my prayer “Search me O God…” Ps 138:23. Maybe He has a bigger plan for my life and my journey this summer than I expected, then I gave Him credit for… Maybe this is His way of revealing to me more about Himself and His love and grace and mercy and maybe this is how He is healing me… How beautiful…. How blessed am I that I’m being provided for and given opportunities to heal in ways I never knew I needed to until now…